Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Snowball


Every other year or so our church has a father-daughter dance called the "Snowball." As soon as Regan got her invitation this year, she wanted to call Jeff's dad ("Grandpa Gary") to go with her. He happily obliged and here is a picture from the Big Event. We made a big production of it: A couple of weeks before the ball, I took Regan to dinner at "Firefly" which is one of our favorite fancy restaurants. (For those of you who came to the funeral, it was the same restaurant where we gathered for lunch after the burial). After dinner, we went shopping for a new dress and shoes. She settled on the one in the picture which looks absolutely adorable. (Note how cute her short haircut is!) Regan had a lot of fun and I'm so glad Gary was able to go with her.

The only other excitng news around here is that I got a new coffee maker over the weekend and they are installing a new microwave tomorrow. (Yay! I'm back in business)

Well, it's been a long week--and it's only Tuesday, so I'm going to keep this short and go to bed early for once. By the way --the time listed below (noting the exact hour and minute when these posts are uploaded) are entirely inaccurate and always have been. I don't know why--there seems to be no correlation whatsoever between the actual time and the time posted below. So, just for fun--I'll confirm that I'm posting this at precisely 10:04 p.m. CST (We'll see what gets reported below . . .)

Thanks as always for your interest and for staying connected. I appreciate it so much!

Kelly

Thursday, February 19, 2009

If it ain't broke don't fix it--and if it is broke . . .

After Jeff died, a friend gave me a book written by a widow for fellow widows about the practical aspects of widowhood and how to adjust to this unfortunate lifestyle. A chapter on home maintenance and repair warned me that within a year of my husband's death, at least three major appliances would require substantial repairs or replacement. Apparently, it's the Widows' Law and there's no use trying to avoid it. The book advised that one could replace the word "appliance" with any major home component such as "roof" and the law would still hold true.

I thought this was pure superstition when I read it. Now, I'm a believer. Here is a partial list of all the things that have gone wrong on the home maintenance front just since January 1st of this year:

1. My basement was ruined in a natural flood which required me to replace the entire basement carpet and undertake flood remediation consisting of treating the cement floor with an antimicrobial.

2. Jeff's laptop computer (that I use as a home computer), was infiltrated by a particularly nasty virus which necessitated 7 back-up disks, installation of a new antivirus program, installation of a new battery, and comprehensive diagnostic and repair work to all affected systems. The total cost was almost more than the cost of a new computer. However, (and this is a BIG however, in my opinion) all of Jeff's writings are saved on the hard-drive of this computer. And not just the articles he wrote professionally, but all of his creative writings consisting of dozens of completed and partial stories, poems, essays, screenplays, etc. He willed these writings to the kids and because I have not printed them--salvaging the computer at any cost was my only option! As an interesting side note--I read another widow's blog and she mentioned coming across a bunch of old e-mails that her husband had sent her before he died. Out of curiosity, I looked though my various e-mail accounts and was surprised and disheartened to find I only saved THREE e-mails from Jeff--total. THREE. I honestly can't believe that despite his illness and prognosis I only saw fit to save three e-mails from him. And they weren't even particularly personal or meaningful. Two of them were messages he forwarded from other people who had sent him treatment options he wanted me to research. I guess I'm just not much of a pack-rat. But, THREE?? What the hell was I thinking?

3. My microwave suddenly stopped working due to a broken magnetron. We have a built-in unit of specific dimensions. I finally found a suitable replacement, but it cannot be installed until next WEDNESDAY. Ugh!

4. My humidifier likewise stopped working. One day it was fine. Now it's not.

5. I had an unexplained flat tire that was unable to be fixed and had to be replaced.

6. And last, but not least: Finn broke my coffee pot! I have a very reliable Black and Decker coffee maker that has loyally served me for years. The coffee pot broke several years ago and was nearly impossible to replace because it is an odd size (10 cups instead of 12) and is "shorter" than most coffee pots and is even different than most Black and Decker models. We finally found one on the internet. Now, I am having no such luck, so I will likely have to replace my entire coffee maker. In the meantime, I am making coffee like a hobo: I put a funnel in the coffee cup and then place a coffee filter in the funnel with enough coffee in it for one cup. Then I pour hot water over the coffee which filters through the funnel. It works great, but I can only make one cup at a time. This creates a minor inconvenience in my house because (brace yourselves for this confession . . .) I let my kids drink coffee. That is why Finn broke the coffee pot. He was trying to pour himself more coffee because I've created a little monster ever since I first let him drink it as a baby. Now, before you call social services on me--allow me to explain. Everyone in my family drinks coffee without exception. We were introduced to it as small children when it was initially served laden with sugar and cream. Since then, we have each developed our own unique "recipes" or preferences, but I remain very true to the original. For my kids, I allow them to fill the cup half full of coffee (it is a small cup) and they then add sugar and fill the rest with milk, so it is cool enough to drink. They don't get refills. Except for Finn who apparently tried to breach this rule--hence the broken coffee pot. As another side note--when the kids try to order coffee in restaurants I act appropriately appalled and protest within ear-shot of the waitress and anyone who looks offended: "You don't drink coffee! Who let's you drink coffee? That's terrible. What kind of mother would let her kids do that? Why, I would NEVER." They then roll their eyes at my feigned disgust and order chocolate milk. And just because Jeff is dead, doesn't mean he can't share some of the blame--he taught them all to drink hot tea as babies too. He would make up pot of tea Irish-style and let them drink it with milk. So, we mutually corrupted them.

There are many other maintenance-related issues that require attention (e.g. the inconsistent garage door opener; the muddled surround sound on the basement T.V.; the broken hinge on the china cabinet door; the loose faucet handle; the loose kitchen tile; the broken stair moulding; etc.) but these are very minor and Jeff--who was very diligent and attentive regarding home maintenance--left me strict instructions to hire professionals to address them. Under no circumstances am I to allow anyone to "jerryrig" house repairs (his words). However, I have already broken this rule by asking Jeff's Dad to do a couple of small projects. (Jeff trusted no one to care for the house--except maybe his friend, Dale).

And on an unrelated note--I have a funny, but poignant, anecdote. I received an interesting piece of mail from a woman I used to work with (and who I believed was aware of my circumstances based upon e-mails and cards she previously sent me). It was a heartfelt letter about how she and her husband had just returned from a Marriage Encounter weekend and that she thought Jeff and I were such a great couple we would really benefit from a Marriage Encounter experience etc. etc. Included with her letter was a gift certificate for Jeff and I to attend a retreat. Good thing I'm not the sensitive type or that might have really ruined my day. Instead, I returned the gift certificate with a note of thanks and news of Jeff's death. I don't mind mentioning it here because she obviously doesn't read the blog--but I share the story in thanks to the rest of you who have been very sensitive to my situation and who have politely addressed mail to me (and not to Jeff) and who have discreetly modified your records to reflect our loss (e.g. the kids' schools immediately started sending things to me alone and no longer list Jeff as a parent or contact--sad, but accurate and necessary).

Well--this post has gotten far too long and boring. Even for me. So, I'll spare you anymore and bid you good night! I'm sure I'll have more exciting news next time . . .

Warm Regards,
Kelly

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Big Day Arrives!

Happy Valentine's Day! Thanks to many friends and family my Valentine's Day was spectacular ! The kids made me some very cool, super huge tissue paper flowers. They also made me a poster-board sized card and they gave me a big heart-shaped box of candy. I got them a special breakfast (Cinnabons and bacon) and gave them each their own pint of special ice cream. (Hey, they like food.) I also let Jack and Regan have playdates with their friends (another big treat). Aubrey was supposed to go out of town with a friend, but was sick and unable to go, so she stayed home--poor baby. I also got a picture via e-mail of my friend Katie's brand new baby (which I know only coincidentally arrived on Valentine's Day, but it was a perfect present, nonetheless), and last but not least, I received a DOZEN ROSES from my friends Marc and Mike. It made my day!

Other than that, I spent the day doing laundry. Which reminds me . . . Finn appropriately spent his Valentine's Day with the love of his life--the vacuum.

Add Image This picture is from Christmas morning, just so you can see his vacuum (and his apron that declares the world's biggest understatement: "I [heart] cleaning!") However, he actually spent this morning vacuuming and he kept himself busy the entire time I ate breakfast (another gift!) by using his spray bottle and paper towels to clean off the shelves in the lower portion of our pantry. (It's a disease I tell ya!).

So, all in all we had a great day. It was really very pleasant. It may interest you to know that for our last Valentine's Day together (exactly one year ago today), Jeff gave me and each of the kids a CD filled with songs that he selected for their lyrics and meaning. He made an insert explaining why he chose each song and what they meant to him or what he hoped they would mean to us. Because it's Valentine's Day, and it's a good time to listen to them, I'll list them here. If you're motivated, I'm sure you can find them on-line:

1. La La Love You--The Pixies
2. Let It Be Me--Indigo Girls
3. Spin--Lifehouse
4. The Way I Am--Ingrid Michaelson
5. Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own--U2
6. Umbrella--Rihanna
7. You're My Best Friend--Queen
8. For Your Babies--Simply Red
9. Beautiful Boy--John Lennon
10. Father and Daughter--Paul Simon
11. Sing Your Life--Morrissey
12. Friends--Led Zeppelin
13. Sweetest Smile--Luce
14. Move Along--All American Rejects
15. What a Wonderful World--Louis Armstrong

So, there you have it--Jeff's Valentine Soundtrack. Maybe you'll find some gems of your own on the list that you can send to a loved one. Jack and Finn are partial to number 9, and I suspect number 10 is 90 percent of the reason Regan wants a Golden Retriever (you'll have to listen to find out why . . . just be ready to bawl your eyes out).

But, this year, there was no sorrow. There were no tears. And thanks to so many of you, we kept the day well. Thank you, thank you, again for checking in.

And another, not-so-private 'Thank You' to Marc and Mike. Wow!

Love,
Kelly

Thursday, February 12, 2009

More Pointless Banter . . .

OK. This is getting ridiculous. Even bin Laden is conspiring against me on Valentine's Day:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30892

At least I have my friend, Mike. He and his daughters came over for dinner last night and in an act of international diplomacy, he gave me a small heart-shaped box of Valentine's chocolates. It was very sweet of him and I appreciate the sentiment. Way to take one for the team, Mikey! You all have him to thank for alleviating my holiday bitterness which would have otherwise inspired me to send you some very sad and desperate pleas for recognition and affection. Good thing I'm easy to please. A little chocolate goes a long way! . . .

Confidential to Scott F: Apparently they do not celebrate Valentine's Day in the Arab world, so you better make this one count! :-)

Confidential to Terri: I so regret any favoritism I showed toward John and his baby by giving them more "air time" on the blog. I in no way intended to slight you or your sweet little baby, Bennet, who I'm proud to announce was born on December 29th, 2008. I'm embarrassed and concerned that you felt compelled to mention it in a "comment" to my most recent post. Please accept my sincere apologies and all my love!

Confidential to Everyone Else: My sister is a big whiner and is the baby of the family, in case you can't tell. Because she was born last, she feels like the universe unfairly jilted her out of all the rights and privileges that came with being born 5 or 7 years earlier like the rest of us. She extends destiny's obvious favoritism toward me and Jim and John to everyone and everything else and struggles daily to right the injustices unfairly thrust upon her--such as mentioning John's baby with more specificity than hers. If you see her, give her a hug--she obviously needs it. (Tee hee!!)

Kelly

Monday, February 9, 2009

Birthdays, Emergency Contacts, and More Birthdays!

First things first: I have two new babies to announce. Despite my recommendation in last Friday’s blog, my new baby nephew was born February 7th—only one day after his father’s and uncle’s shared birthday. I thought it was very polite of him to avoid February 6th. My friend’s baby, however, made no such accommodation and was born on February 6th, making it very convenient for me to remember now that he’ll share that birthday with my brothers. (I have very few details other than an excited phone call from the proud Dad with promises of a more comprehensive update. I, too, am being economical with the facts because I haven’t gotten my friend’s permission to announce the birth here). I didn’t ask my brother’s permission either, for that matter, but because I am Supreme Ruler and Queen Boss of my siblings I authorize the announcement and that’s good enough for me: Henry Daniel Archuletta was born Saturday evening, weighing 6 pounds 5 ounces. He reportedly looks exactly like The Pum (that’s what we call his big sister, Ella). I’m relieved to hear everyone is happy and healthy.

So, while everyone else has been busy giving birth, I’ve been busy making new friends. Those of you who know me well, know that most of my friends are men. I attribute this phenomenon to several conditions: (1) I developed a “guy” sense of humor and communication style due to repeated exposure to my brothers throughout my formative years; (2) I am in a male-dominated profession and nearly all of my superiors and colleagues with whom I work directly are men; and (3) I can eat whatever I want and never gain weight—a trait that makes me universally unpopular with women. Nonetheless, I decided that I should try to diversify my friendships and have made a concerted effort to attract female friends. This week I hosted a dinner party for all the lady lawyers at work; I went to dinner with my friend, Barbara; and had wine and a nice chat with a fellow widow and new friend, Irene. I am making progress!

In fact, Irene and I had a conversation that we decided was blog-worthy and I promised I would share it here. We thought that “unwidowed” people don’t likely think about something as mundane as an Emergency Contact. But from the perspective of someone who feels isolated and like a little bit of an imposition to friends and family already (who are relied upon for everything from babysitting to jar-opening)—it’s a Big Deal. Unfortunately, for me, my family is too far away to be of practical help; my friends are too peripheral (they have their own spouses and kids to attend to first and foremost; and many are, likewise, too far away); and my children are too young. As a result, my Emergency Contact—the person who will get “the call” if anything bad happens to me—is my paralegal. Don’t get me wrong—my paralegal is wonderful. I do not mean to dilute her importance. But, it just sounds funny to say it out loud.

So, before I sound like too big of a loser, I’ll end where I began: with Happy Birthdays! And this one is for Garth. Cheers to you on your 38th!

Kelly

Friday, February 6, 2009

Birthdays and Unbirthdays

Sorry, it’s been so long since I updated. The week has really gotten away from me. Aubrey told me she was going to post an update, but she is still in a euphoric trance after I bought her 4 Fall Out Boy/Metro Station tickets this week and has not snapped out of it. Yes—I bought Aubrey her coveted tickets as a birthday present. Her birthday is April 12th and the concert is May 16th, but we’ll make it work. Despite everyone’s gentle persuasion, I could not subject myself to the extortion necessary to see my beloved Killers. I bought Morrissey tickets instead. Woohoo! I invited my brother to go with me. It will be a lot of fun, except that my brother is extremely good-looking and could possibly distract Morrissey from making his marriage proposal to me. Oh well. His loss . . .

Speaking of my brothers—today is their birthday. Happy Birthday Jim and John!! (They are identical twins—that’s why they have the same birthday). If I had to guess, I would say that Jim is celebrating by wearing sweat pants, and John is celebrating by going to class. Believe it or not, I actually remember when they were born. I was a little over 2 years old and no children were allowed to visit the hospital. My grandma snuck me in to see them and to see my mom who was missing me. I still remember being picked up under my arms and, with feet dangling, looking at them through a thick glass window with a fine-wire grid pattern on it. And it was then that I realized . . . I now had somebody to Lord over!! And not just one baby but TWO! My reign lasted for the whole six days they were in the hospital because as soon as they came home I realized there were two of them and one of me. I was no match and I’ve been trying to reclaim my mommy and my rightful place as Supreme Ruler and Queen Boss of the family ever since. (I think I’m making some headway . . .)

For my brother John’s birthday—I hope he gets a new baby. His wife is due to have their second child any minute. It would be too perfect if she were to give birth today. After all, John already shares his birthday with Jim, so it’s not like it would steal his thunder or anything. As a gentle reminder, Jeff shared his birthday with our anniversary. His untimely death has negated both events and left May 21st a conspicuously uneventful day on our calendar. I am considering having an “Unbirthday Party” ala Alice in Wonderland to commemorate the day. We will dress up like the characters in the book—Aubrey can play Alice, I will play the Queen of Hearts (of course), Finn will play the Cheshire Cat and Regan and Jack can fight over any number of peripheral but equally delightful and important characters. We will have a Mad Hatter’s tea party (Jeff LOVED tea), complete with mismatched tea service and we will follow the Mad Hatter’s party agenda. That is, we will randomly change seats, challenge each other with riddles that have no answer, and make spontaneous personal remarks. We will close the party with a rousing rendition of “A Very Merry Unbirthday” and voila—a new tradition will be born. So save the date.

In the meantime, Valentine’s Day looms . . . I trust you will all celebrate it well this year. Thanks as always for checking in. I love knowing you all are there.

Until next time,
Kelly